They Liked Me, They Really Liked Me!

This might be a first. At a minimum it is the first time in a long time I've seen this. In today's mail I received a letter from an employer acknowledging they received my resume. Okay it isn't a letter asking for more information, but at least I know they got the damn thing!

One small step at a time, one small step to finally get rid of Small Town and the insanity of this job.

I need to find more want ads. If I send more resumes out will I get more letters back?

Does Anyone Ever Read What Is On The Page?

A copy of an order was on my desk. It had a sticky note on it from Pushy Clerk.

Pushy Clerk: "Wolfrham, why is blah, blah, blah?"

Okay the blah blah blah is just a shortcut.

I look at the order quickly and put another sticky note underneath Pushy Clerk's.

Wolfrham Hart: "If you want a useful answer you'll need to ask the attorney who actually attended the hearing and wrote this order."

I suspect Pushy Clerk rolled her eyes and thought nasty thoughts about me when she read my reply. I know Pushy Clerk doesn't respect me and my abilities as an attorney, but Pushy Clerk needs to double check some of her own stuff before shooting from the hip at me.

Good Bye Little Buddy.

The DogHound has passed. Through a weird twist of karma I was there when he passed. My parents were surrounding him too when it happened. I know DogHound knew his time was coming. I know DogHound knew he was at home surrounded by those who loved him.

Eventually I'll remember the good times with him. I'll focus on all the wrestling sessions, the tug of war sessions, the chasing of cats sessions, and all the little things that make life with DogHound wonderful. I'll remember all the times I would talk to him about the crappy classes, the bad dates, the stupid bosses, the angry mobs, and all the nasties I dealt with. I'll remember how DogHound would give doggie kisses after all those stories. I'm still convinced a good dog is better than 90% of people.

It will get better eventually, but for now there's a doggie-shaped hole in my heart.

Everyone Just STOP!!!!

The problem with my staff is they're used to traveling at warp speed. Problems pop up and they have to solve them on the fly. Often, this is a good trait to have. Sometimes they forget not all problems are a 10 minute problem.

A case got screwed up a lot on Thursday or so we thought. It couldn't be fixed Thursday because the boss and I were in hearings the entire day. Little bits of the story came out on Friday, but I couldn't answer any of their questions yet. I told them I needed to review the file to see what documents were in it and what those documents said. I also wanted to review some of the trial rules the judge mentioned and certain aspects of the statute we were operating under. Once I knew exactly what we had I could try to figure out what we needed to do. It didn't help that it was really 3 issues that were slightly comingled.

Unfortunately, Friday had many fires that needed to be put out and my hearing had two 30 minute continuances to allow other attorneys to attend other hearings and let the court have other hearings. I never had a chance to review anything on Friday. Fine, let the boss and I figure out something on Monday.

Yesterday I come in and on my to-do list is resolves this damn file from last Thursday. However, between my various hearings it seems the staff was talking to the boss and the boss was sometimes talking to the judge. No one ever got everyone together, including me, to just figure out all the issues. So staff is trying to figure out if documents are missing or are our procedures wrong, how to get a motion reconsidered, and other problems. So they got worked up in a frenzy because they thought they were being blamed for the problems. Sometimes I'm diplomatic and sometimes I'm blunt.

ME: Look if I were blaming you for this situation I would telling you outright you did this wrong and blame you! All I'm saying is the judge couldn't find this document in the court file, but that's not saying the document wasn't in there.
STAFF #1: But we send the court a copy of all those documents as part of the file.
ME: I know that's our procedure and I don't doubt you did send the court that packet of docs.
STAFF #3: Then how come they're missing from the file?
ME: I didn't say they were missing. I'm just saying the judge ruffled the pages for 15-20 seconds and didn't find that order.
STAFF #2: There's only the orders, the summons, the petitions, and referenced paperwork in the file. Should be easy to find.
ME: *Holds up the entire file in my hand* You're telling me you could find a specific piece of paper in this 50 page stapled together and papercliped pile in less than 20 seconds?
STAFF #3: But we send all that to the court so it's supposed to be in their file.
ME: *starting to raise voice in frustration* I'm not saying the order wasn't in there! The judge just couldn't find it before I did in a minute!

That went on for about 20 minutes. It didn't help that they wanted to comingle 3 different issues. I wanted to come up with a plan for Issue #1, but they wanted to bring in Issues #2 and #3. "Can we just solve one problem first BEFORE we try to figure out the other problems please?"

I only worked on four things Monday. Everything was interrupted by something else in that four item rotation. By the end of the day I was no closer to solving any of the four problems as I was at the beginning of the day. I damn near yelled at them to stop bothering me with the problems so I could actually solve one or two of them!

Today started out the same way The boss and I were looking at parts of the same statute to see if we had different opinions. We both found commentary concerning the statute and I managed to grab the file back from staff so I could review it. A complicated statute with a complicated fact pattern belongs on an exam, not in the 10 minute pile. It took both of us the entire morning to review the items we had. The boss and I wanted to compare notes after lunch but something came up. What little notes we did compare seemed to say the same things.

The judge was probably right to deny this one motion, but did it for the wrong reasons. The odds were high we didn't have the ability to do what was in our motion in the first place given the facts and procedural history of the case. In the future it would be a very good idea to have one of the attorneys review the file first before making such motions. Depending on the facts we can do it or maybe not. The way we treated cases like this before was probably incorrect under the statute.

The boss and I will fully compare notes for about 30 minutes tomorrow. We'll need to update staff on our findings and make suggestions on updating certain procedures I suspect. I just wish everyone would have shut up for a bit and slowed down. If they had just let the lawyers investigate things and discuss some observations with the judge we probably would have the problem resolved earlier. The fact everyone wanted an answer quickly actually slowed down the process of solving the problem! Drop out of warp speed people! Sometimes you need to take the slow route to get the problem fixed right.

How Do You Not Drink Or Do Drugs?

A friend of mine asked me that the other night. She simply looked at me in amazement as I described yet another insane story from my job in Small Town. My simple reply: I honestly don't know!

The insanity of last week seeped through the weekend to survive today. It was a Monday and it felt like one. I got home not too long ago. I think I'll go to bed and pray that with the judges at a seminar for the next 3 days I might get some things I want to work on accomplished.

I hope so, I'm tired of burning the candle on 3 ends.

If I Ever Get To Call In The Chips The Boss Is Screwed.

Me: pulled all of today's files last night, prepped them all and made photocopies of exhibits to hand out to lawyers and pro-se litigants. Left the office at 7 p.m., but was mostly, though not completely, ready for today. Arrived at work at 7:55 a.m. this morning.

Boss: Left work around 4:30ish. Walked in through the front door with me this morning. Scrambled to pull files this morning and prep them for the hearings after my initial round of hearings. Boss was highly agitated at having to wing some things. Worked through lunch and still hadn't prepped all the files for this afternoon. Asked me to handle 2 hearings of his that started after lunch.

I did his two files, then mine, and at that point he brought everything else down for the rest of the afternoon. If it wasn't for the judge wanting to move through all the hearings I wish I could have told the boss, "Not my fault you didn't get ready for this busy day!"

Where I got frantic was when I had to cover the Boss I suddenly didn't have time to do the last minute things that needed to be done. Suddenly the laziness of my boss was interfering with what I needed to do!

As the court bailiff noted, my part of the day went smoothly, other parts weren't as smooth.

Let's Do A 180.

Last night involved about 5 minutes of texting and a 30 minute phone call. She was interested in a second date and wanted it to be Friday night. I'm good with that. This afternoon I get an email stating she like me but didn't see this going anywhere serious.

WTF?

Normally you don't even plan the second date if you're not interested. I'm so confused by the female half of the species.

Not Dead, But I've Lost A Little Blood.

It isn't a real home improvement project until you've spilled some blood. The sharp metal edge of a tape measure nicked my figure and produced the requisite blood cells. That's the reason I've barely been on here in July, a home improvement project that just won't quit!

I honestly thought it would be a four day project. Instead it has taken 3 full weekends in July and most of the nights after work. A buddy of mine is helping me, but that means I have to go to his place since that is where all his tools are. He donated some lumber and also has an air conditioned garage so his place as the construction zone made sense.

Before my buddy left on vacation Friday night we had the job 95% finished. All I had to do was paint some things. I even went over there today as I have a key to the garage. Between my project and his project the garage is stuffed! I took the pieces outside so I could paint, but the clouds let loose with a light drizzle. Paint and drizzle don't mix well. This is why the project is approaching 4 weeks in length: little problems that just pop up!

Oh well I was hoping to enjoy the weekend a bit, but it looks like I'll spend a full day in someone else's garage working on my project.

ZZZZZZZZZ

This is getting to be a weekly occurrence. I get home from work and just lay on the bed for a few minutes to relax. The next thing I know I've been asleep for around 4 hours. Eh I didn't need dinner anyway.

I think I'll go back to bed now. I hope I can fall asleep for the rest of the night.

Respect My Authority!

The crazies were out today. A 3 day weekend allows the crazies to save up their craziness an extra day. My boss is on vacation so I'm in charge. What this really means is anything weird gets sent to me immediately.

Pushy Clerk left a file in my chair just before lunch. I got back from a hearing and looked at it for a minute. I read the note, then I started to go through the file to see if I could find a solution. It took a few minutes to find what I wanted, but it was there. Then I pondered a minute and decided what strategy I wanted to employ. Part One was the short term solution, Part Two was the long term solution. I came about my strategy because I knew what I could do without a judge getting involved and I knew what would require a hearing and a judicial blessing. I also pondered an Evil Strategy, but I knew I would need to review the file a bit and find a few more facts to see if Evil Strategy was an option.

I left a note on the file and put it into Pushy Clerk's box. Pushy Clerk decided my strategy wasn't what she wanted to do. Why did I want to do it that way? Couldn't I do it the way she suggested. Ummm...no, I needed something that was well outside the scope of her suggestion. Also I didn't write the prior order so I didn't have the power to correct it. I tried to explain that, but she didn't see it that way. How I didn't finally say, "Will you do it the way I requested because I'm your boss!" I'll never know.

While I value the input of my staff I'm getting tired of Pushy Clerk always thinking she knows better than I. I'm tired of fighting Pushy Clerk on so many things. I've almost blurted out she should just go to law school for 3 or 4 years, then pass the bar exam. Once Pushy Clerk is sworn in she can deal with the case any way she sees fit!

A Good Grill Will Do Wonders.

My patio has been a construction zone for the past few months. The patio itself now looks fabulous as I tore up the old concrete and laid down brick. The construction of everything else around the patio has taken much longer than I've anticipated. The weather has cooled down to tolerable temperatures and low humidity. I was still the last one out of the office, but I left nearly an hour earlier than I normally do. I decided it was time to fire up the grill for the first time!

Normally the grill would have been going for 2 months at this point. Destruction, construction, debris, and chaos have prevented that. I cleaned up a big spot over the weekend and decided to set up my grill there. It fired up on the first try and I let it burn off the grate. The marinaded steak sizzled so nicely as it hit the heated grate. 20 minutes later a nice steak was ready.

A good beer and a good steak are simple pleasures, but never underestimate the power of the simple pleasures.

Super Sheltie!!!!!

No this isn't DogHound, but it involves a playful sheltie like DogHound, a giggling toddler, and doggie kisses. In case it doesn't link directly to the video if you go to the search bar the title is "Get excited!" You could also search using sheltie.

Sadly DogHound is having real trouble moving around now. Someone has to lift him up to get over a step, his rear legs are so weak now he can't stand up very long. His legs also get criss-crossed far too easily, and sometimes he really can't get up. I love the video because it is fun to watch, it does remind me of how DogHound used to be, but it also fills me with great sadness. I know DogHound has been with us about 10 months longer than we expected, yet every new and unexpected day has to run out eventually. My parents long ago said if he can't move it would be time one last trip to the vet. They don't wan't DogHound to be in pain and have no quality of life. I can understand that, but if DogHound is to finally leave us I want it to be going to sleep on his favorite blanket, next to a fan instead of a cold examination room.

My little furbuddy has been a faithful companion for nearly 14 years. I'm not married. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have any children. Most of my friends are married, have families, and involved with them on a daily basis so we don't see each other often. I work far too much in a job filled with miserable people and situations, and it permeates my entire life. DogHound has been the one soul who just brightens up when I enter a room, loves me, and listens to my problems with a sparkle in his brown eyes and wag of his tail. DogHound possess the one property I seem to have lost in myself: the ability to make me happy and feel better at any moment.

Hold onto the light little buddy for as long as you can. Without your light I don't know if there is any left around here.

Time Is A Luxury You Don't Have.

Second night in a row I've pulled off a 11-plus hour day. Why am I barely getting anything accomplished by staying late? If I got more done I would be okay with the price I'm paying in time and exhaustion. Yet, so far the deal isn't working.

It would be nice is something worked better during the day, but today had so much wasted time where I'm waiting on someone else. Or I'm called to put out a fire when I expected some downtime. I swear if we ever get laptops I'll be all over that. Use the laptop while I'm stuck in the hallway or waiting for my hearing to start.

Oh well. I better just put more effort into the job hunt. Greener pastures must be elsewhere.

Quit Blowing The Damn Horn!

A tornado siren is across the street from my home. When we get some pretty bad weather it goes off alerting those outside to get inside and seek shelter. It has been going off for a few minutes now. I'm not certain why. The rain isn't too bad and a quick look at the weather radar indicates there is a nasty storm quite a bit to the south of here but it is heading straight east.

I thought Big City had upgraded the sirens to be more locational, but perhaps if you fire one up you have to fire all of them up. The sky is lighting up pretty frequently with lightning that jumps from cloud to cloud. It is very pretty and the weather people on TV are saying the storms are strong, but no indications of tornadoes. I hope the people to the south are okay, but seriously can someone just turn off the siren across the street?

You Have The Right To STFU!

Today was a miserable day on so many levels. So much did not work. People lied, people didn't bring materials they were supposed to, people didn't provide documentation to me 2 months ago like they should have, people didn't bother to communicate with me months ago and now though I would solve the problem, etc. etc.

The idiot showed up an hour late. The judge already ordered a bench warrant for his failure to appear, but will usually hold off on that if someone shows up within 24 hours. I knew nothing could be accomplished without the other party who had left earlier. I figured a 10 minute talking to would make an impression on the idiot. I was so wrong.

The idiot just kept talking, interrupting the judge, offering weak answers, and was just plain rude. So the judge decided it was direct contempt and worth 10 days in jail. Normally idiots shut up at this point; however, this one was special. Since he wouldn't shut up and kept interrupting the judge it was decided 20 days was proper. As security walked the handcuffed idiot out of the courtroom he said something so incredibly stupid I couldn't believe it. I don't know if the microphones picked it up and put it on the record, but the judge heard the comment too. Sir, you've now graduated to 180 days as a guest to the taxpayer simply because you couldn't keep your big mouth shut.

At least I know where to find him now for the next 6 months.

A Useful Feature.

I haven't gotten into my job search as much as I've wanted to. Life has a tendency to get in the way. I've noticed a severe lack of help wanted signs as well. It seems to me the legal job market shuts down for the summer unless the application is for well seasoned attorneys. I'm not that well seasoned and I know I'll be competing for jobs with recent grads who've passed the bar exam. Since the exam isn't for a few more months I suspect there won't be many want ads until then.

I looked at the website for Big City. It had a very useful feature. If you check the boxes for the types of employment or areas you wished to know about it will email you any future jobs for the next year. Sweet! Someone finally had a bright idea. With luck in a few months a job I'll be interested in might just show up in my email.

With luck.

Pleasant Surprises.

Given all the rain Big City has received lately I was expecting yet another hot and humid day. Imagine my surprise when I reached for the Sunday paper and discovered a fairly cool and dry air. The air conditioning is off and I have every window open to let in any breeze I can catch!

If only my patio was finished so I could drink a morning cup of coffee and read the paper. Oh well you can't have it all.

A Case Of Mistaken Identity?

*Pushy Clerk comes into my office and shoves an order into my face.*

Pushy Clerk: Wolfrham, what's wrong with this case? *Stated in a tone that implies I've done something wrong again in Pushy Clerk's opinion.*

*I'm totally clueless, don't have a file in front of me, and simply read the order. It lists all the attorneys who attended the hearing and there were several. However, my name isn't listed as a participant.*

Me: I don't know Pushy Clerk, but why don't you ask someone who actually attended the hearing?


I admit I do thing incorrectly sometimes or later realize I should have done something in a different way. However I'm tired of Pushy Clerk's know-it-all attitude. I think it is time for Pushy Clerk to go to law school, pass the bar exam, and do my job better than I can. Only then will Pushy Clerk work with someone that meets her standards.

As In Full Of Hot...

Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world. And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly. Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life. You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful. You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person. With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

What's Your Element?

Peace Through Superior Firepower Is My Motto!

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead... But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself. You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place. You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

I Still Need To Work On The Thriller Dance.

You Are 64% A Child of the 80s

Not only did you experience the 80s... you are practically an expert. You should be totally stoked!

Are You a Child of an 80s?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Mr. Spock As An Artist.

Your Creative Power is Your Logic

You're the type of person who is great at execution. You don't just dream about ideas - you make them happen! You are idealistic and determined, but you are also a realist. You only undertake projects you're pretty sure you can finish. You are a natural problem solver, and you actually think better when you're being challenged. You do best when you work by yourself or when you're in charge. You ideas are big, dramatic, and the best.

What's Your Creative Power?

The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

The Blahs.

I swear I've been infected with a terminal case of the blahs. This is even worse than the typical Monday Blahs. Perhaps a good night's sleep will provide some relief.

40 Under 40.

I admit it. I'm tired of all these 40 Under 40 lists. Whenever I see one, especially when a classmate or schoolmate is in one I wonder: what am I doing wrong? I hate being jealous, but I also hate not being as good as I want to be or being recognized for all the things I do accomplish. I accomplish the dirty jobs. No one ever seems to care about the dirty jobs but they need to be done. I'm a person who does things. I just wish I did a little more.

Be Careful What You Wish For.

The staff came to me with a problem. It seems various people had been doing things without our office. Not only that, they hired their own lawyers to fix their problems. However, those lawyers never contacted our office to see if there were some issues. So it is a few years after they thought they solved their problems. Nope, those idiots were wrong! Not only that, but the idiots wanted our office to solve the problem. Oh, I'm sorry as soon as a problem affects you, now you want to talk to us. Give me a break!

I resent the fact our office has to clean up the mess others create. However, we had a brainstorming session. The idiots want me to resolve the problem. I decided we should solve it, but I'm going to do it my way and not the way they wanted. Not only that after a few minutes we realized the expected answers were not at all like they expected.

I'm going to give these idiots exactly what they asked for. They're not going to like it.

Happiness Is The Simple Things.

Okay, sometimes happiness is visiting the parents after work and taking a nap with DogHound. It was one of those days where it wasn't worth getting out of bed. I think DogHound agreed.

Would This Qualify As Stare Decisis?

This judge never minces words. "Well sir the problem is you're an asshole!" I have no idea how my jaw didn't drop when the judge said that. The guy looked at the judge and agreed. I did raise an eyebrow on that one. I had to ponder. Since it was on the record the guy was an asshole does that set precedence? Would it ever be noted in a hearing in April 2010, that so and so was an asshole? I guess it would only matter if another court needed to determine the issue.

Sometimes there is humor in my day.

Small First Steps.

I'm sure if I got home at a decent time I would have this task finished by now. Instead I'm about halfway through the task. I'm updating my resume. It should have been done a long time ago, but I've finally reached my threshold.

It is officially time to start looking for a new job.

I'm sure the job market sucks. The type of positions I'm most interested in I hear nothing but bad news about in the papers, TV, and web. I refuse to jump ship to just anything else out there. Yet I can't stand the inequity of my current job.

I can't stand the fact I have twice as many hearings as my boss. I can't stand that I put twice as much into the file before a hearing because I figure I should be professional and try to account for the most likely scenarios and questions I'll encounter at a hearing. I can't stand that I put in twice as much after a hearing before giving the file back to a clerk instead of just dumping the file into the clerks' laps. I can't stand the never ending combat with these cases. We can't fix them. We can't solve the problems. We can't make people better than what they are, and these people can't fix a thing in their lives. We can't finish a case.

I can't stand the hour long commute. I put on over 26,000 miles on my car last year. I can't stand the long hours on the job, the long hours on the road, the too few hours of sleep and the scant few hours remaining in the day. I'm tired of every Saturday wondering if I should go into the office and the Saturdays I do go down wondering why the network is only available until noon.

It may be a day or two before I get back to my resume. It might be the weekend before I start paying the legal websites to get access to any open positions listed. It might be awhile before I find a good ad to respond to. It might be awhile before my life changes, but change it must.

On Call Again.

This time I'm on-call for jury duty in Big City. I have to call a number and listen for my lottery number. If my number comes up I report for jury duty the next morning.

Given that I am an attorney I have great difficulty imagining that I'll every actually serve on a jury. What lawyer would want another lawyer in their jury?

Toying With My Prey.

He's a clueless moron. At the last hearing the judge ripped into him like polar bear. Deservedly so I might add. He's a moron that fails to realize his actions have consequences. The judge told him what conditions the moron must follow to be in the judge's good graces. I wrote that order of course and I try to use simple every day language. I even broke down the judge's conditions using the numbers 1, 2, and 3. Nothing was unreasonable or difficult to do either. We knew he had a problem with employment and money so the third condition was if you work at all that week pay something towards the obligations you owe. Even if the moron only paid $5 - $10, we could have worked with that. The second condition was if you get or lose a job just let your attorney or me know in a timely fashion. Neither of those sound unreasonable or difficult to do, right?

Over the past few months I had a few email exchanges with the moron's attorney. We could tell the moron was having trouble following the simple directions. I noted if the moron wouldn't correct the problem soon I would press the issue with the judge at the next hearing. When I prepped the file for today's hearing I discovered the attorney had withdraw. The excuse was the moron wasn't fulfilling his end of the bargain in a nutshell.

The moron walked in today. I knew I would finally have fun and hopefully make a point to this dumbass.

Me: Okay did let me or your lawyer know you had a job?
Moron: Yeah I got around to telling the lawyer I had that I was working.
Me: When did you start working?
Moron: November.
Me: November? I don't see any money till just before Christmas. Did you get paid in November and early December at all?
Moron: Yeah I signed a sheet saying it was okay to garnish my pay.
Me: So did you pay anything once you started working?
Moron: I signed the sheet saying it was okay to start garnishing my pay.
Me: No I understand you signed a paper to start the garnishment. My question is when you saw your first couple of paychecks, you saw taxes were taken out right?
Moron: Yea.
Me: And you saw that FICA was taken out for Social Security right?
Moron: Yeah they always do that right?
Me: And you noticed there wasn't any garnishment right?
Moron: Well I signed a sheet after that saying it was okay to garnish my pay.
Me: No I understand you signed the sheet. What I'm asking is you saw the garnishment didn't come out for at least a month right? Did you pay anything at all until the garnishment?
Moron: No.
Me: Do you remember what the judge said at the last hearing?
Moron: No that was a long time ago.
Me: When you got the order in the mail, did you read the part saying if you worked at all to pay something? And if you lost your job you had to tell your lawyer or me?

The judge ripped into the moron again and sent him to jail for contempt of the court. All too easy!

My Red Pen Ran Out Of Ink.

How's your tourney bracket looking now? While upsets are awesome to watch and it is fun to see powers go down, it does make one's bracket sheet look like it was used as gauze for treating a wound.

Wounded brackets, yeah that sounds right. Heck we still have all of Sunday's games to go through for the rest of Round 2!

Congratulations to No 1 Kansas. You are officially the biggest choke in the 2010 tourney!

Our Proper Mission Statement.

We fail to do the impossible with minimal resources.

I'm Going To Need So Many Furry Kisses Tomorrow.

This week has been hell at work. Seriously I can think of no other way to describe it. I've stayed until 6:30 p.m. twice to get ready for the next day, tonight I stayed until 6:00 p.m.. Tuesday was my early night by getting out at 5:00 p.m., by going through 30 hearings in 3 hours. What...the...hell! For the last two and a half weeks I've been dealing with either a continuous flow of hearings or needing to prep all those files for the continuous flow of hearings.

Tomorrow will be a constant flow of courtrooms. In addition to my stuff I'll have to cover some of my boss's hearings as well. When he scheduled his pretrial conferences there wasn't anything on the calendar then, but now there is. I'm sorry but when I schedule my pretrials I only schedule two in a morning, max! I do it so that I can go to some hearings if required. The boss will schedule 4 in a morning and 2 in the afternoon just so he can be finished with all pretrials in one day. I think he's nuts.

I'll be honest I'm getting resentful of having to cover for him all the damned time. I already do the work of two attornies because we're just that busy and Small Town will never hire someone to help us out. Yet I do the work of more than two attornies because I have to double check that my boss is ready for what we know about and quickly spring into action when something goes wrong and he isn't available. This morning was a perfect example. I had a 15 minute break where I wanted to type a motion I needed for tomorrow. A court calls and wonders were someone from our office is. We had hearing then? Really? When the hell did that pop onto the calendar? It wasn't even my file, but after scrounging around for the file I prepped it in about 5 minutes. I could have prepped it in 2 minutes, but the staff kept asking me what was going on. Okay I know people are trying to be helpful, but after I explain the problem once please leave me alone so I don't type in the same incorrect information four times because people keep distracting me. It isn't a good sign when I ask all the parties why are we here today.

At least tomorrow I'll visit my parents. The elderly DogHound had a decent week according to them. I shall place DogHound on my lap, explain how horrible my week was, and let his brown eyes express how much he wants me to pet him. If DogHound is feeling somewhat energetic he may even kiss me. I'm very happy DogHound has lasted this long. I'm really going to need him tomorrow just to feel human again.

I'm Going To Win This One!

One of the courts sent a note down stating I was to provide the written order from an October hearing. Oh crap, did I miss one? It happens every now and then. We have so much volume we sometimes haven't written the order yet, or the file gets into one of the clerks' hands and they forget to bring the file back.

I find the file and open it. Underneath a few pieces of paper is the written order that I typed up the day of the hearing. The judge's signature is dated 9 days later.

I'm already insanely busy and backed up with orders to write. I don't need to deal with a forgetful court as well!

Happy Birthday Chuck Norris.

Today is the 70th birthday of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is 70? No way! In typical Chuck Norris fashion I heard he roundhouse kicked his birthday into next year.

Spring Is In The Air.

I couldn't take it anymore. The sun was out, the temperature the warmest since before Thanksgiving, and my window will open. I opened up the window in my office! Sure the temps were barely over 50, but that feels very warm compared to the winter we've had.

Fresh almost springtime air wafted into my office window. Along with the cigarette smoke from the judge by the steps. I've forgotten how far that odor will waft.

I swear nothing totally good ever occurs at work.

Early To Bed, Early To Rise?

I'm so sleep deprived I'm going to try to go to bed now. It is 9:30.

I think I'm turning into an old man!

Sometimes I Just Feel Dirty.

I'm doing a little paraphrasing but it went something like this.

In the beginning A owes B a lot of money. A also owes me a little money.
Later on B should start paying A. However since A owes all that money it is decided that B should burn through all the money A owes as a credit.
I really dislike those deals as no one ever keeps track of when the credit is burned through.
Now B burned through that large credit and never bothered to start paying A when the time came.
I had to figure out all the numbers. Turns out all the money A owed me was never paid and is still owed. Call that value X. What B would owe A is 10X. B was rather shocked by this. Hello you didn't keep track of things did you?
A and B decide instead of B paying A 10X and A paying me X, that B will pay X to me and A will forgive B's debt.
Okay. I did my job and protected X. A and B got something they wanted. A forgives B's debt and resolves the debt to me. B got to settle a debt for 10 cents on the dollar. Legally it is all good and the judge signed off on the deal.
Yet I have a huge moral qualm. A is a deadbeat dirtbag and gets out of paying any money for any debts A owed. I'm a firm believer you should pay your debt. I'm hoping one day all the crap A has pulled off will someday catch up to him in a bad way. I don't have any moral qualms about that.

Not Even The Titanic Got This Swamped.

Last week was a bad week at work. By bad I mean insanely busy. I stayed in my office to well past 6:00 p.m. on both Tuesday and Wednesday to prepare for Thursday. I already knew last Thursday was going to be miserable. I was proven right in ways I didn't even expect. My boss decided to leave that afternoon on a pretty flimsy excuse after 3:00 p.m. Our 1 o'clocks didn't start on time so the 2 o'clocks didn't start on time so when the boss left at 3 o'clock I had to deal with every single hearing. I suddenly realized all the little things we do together on those Thursdays that I had to do by myself. It just slowed the court down as I couldn't multitask as much as I needed to. I got home at 7:00 p.m. that night.

Friday morning was the exhaustion hangover as I simply wasn't productive. To make matters worse I had to deal with every single hearing Friday afternoon. My boss had to leave yet again! I do recall him mentioning he had to leave early a few days earlier, but I thought he was talking about 3 in the afternoon. At least the excuse was somewhat reasonable. I dread Friday afternoons in this one court as we never get out on time. I was proven right once again as I left just after 5:00 p.m.

I hoped to make it into the office last weekend to catch up on things. I never made it down to Small Town. I didn't even wake up until 11:00 a.m. on Saturday because I was so exhausted. This week I was still exhausted and unproductive. Fighting allergies or a cold or the sniffles wasn't speeding things up either. I knew tomorrow, yet another Thursday, would be bad, but I figured I could use the afternoon to prep. Instead I spent all afternoon in my Friday court on TWO hearings! The Friday judge got two friggin' hearings done in the afternoon. After the first hearing, the other attorney and I discussed if it could have been any more disjointed. I figured a kitchen sink could have been thrown in somehow! When I finally got to my office Pushy Clerk let me know my boss wasn't happy having to cover 2 hearings of mine. Oh really. Pot, kettle, black! Besides one of mine didn't even show up.

For most people it was quiting time. For me it was just getting started! A few files I couldn't even find. I prepped the ones I had, then I noticed some cases that were in my day planner, but not on our office calendar. Most of the ones in my day planner were still valid. *Deep sigh* I think I found most of them and did some quick prep work. By 7:00 p.m. our network is shutting down so I decided to leave.

I'm just so tired now. I honestly don't know how much longer I can take this workload.

Why Even Bother?

Me *speaking with a clerk*: You know all those hearing dates you got last Thursday? The court just called down and they're going to continue all those hearings. It appears they have too many hearings that day

Clerk: If they are going to continue them why did they give us those dates?

Me: I didn't want to ask that question because then I would say something I shouldn't.

Quotes For The Best Laid Plans.

Quote #1:
Judge: Mr. Hart, why are we here today?

Me: Well your honor, for once one of my plans worked!

Judge: Feels good doesn't it?

Quote #2 (later that day)
Judge: Mr. Hart, what is the status of this case?

Me: Your honor it's like a sine wave, started up, then went down, but now we're back up.

Quote #3 (also later that day)
After hearing some unexpected testimony, being somewhat pleasantly surprised, and glancing down at the notes my boss left me concerning this case.

Judge: Mr. Hart, what do you want to do?

Me *glances at the written notes again*: Your honor I'm going to overrule my boss and ...

Quote #4 (yes this was even later in the day)
Judge: Mr. Hart, who do you want next?

Me: I'm just going with whoever's file is at the top of this pile.

Denny Crane: 2012!

A Boston Legal marathon is on TVLand right now. Ah, the good ol' days of Denny Crane drinking scotch, smoking cigars, winning cases, and shooting people at random. I'll be honest after about Season 2 I stopped watching, but there was still plenty of good stuff.

I proclaim this the best political commercial for the 2012 presidential race.

Happy Singles Awareness Day.

I admit it. I really dislike February 14th. I know most people call it Valentine's Day, but that is only the name given to it by those who practice the Coupledom faith. As I do not practice that faith I'm more akin to my Jewish friends around Christmas time. My Jewish buddies, I know what you mean.

What makes me even more bitter (as if that were possible) was that in January I actually started to date someone. She was very smart, very interesting, and had many of the same interests and passions I did. I thought things were going well and I was looking forward to slowly evolving into a couple with her. Until 10 days ago when I received the "Dear Wolfrham" email. She just wasn't that excited about 'us' anymore.

Wow, not even 30 days and I'm already dumped. Though I'll never know her reasons why I get the feeling from a few things she said that I was the rebound guy after her 5 year relationship fizzled last year. I also get the feeling that perfection with her would have been if I instantly did all the good things she wanted in a relationship without having to go through any of the growing pains. Well I'm sorry but I don't believe relationships work that way. Two people just don't automatically click together in every aspect without any work. Work takes time.

I know any future relationship with me won't be the easiest thing. The things people involved in a long term relationship take for granted are new and unusual things to me. I think people have limited memories and forget what things were like before they were with someone else. To me, dating and relationships present a steep learning curve. Historically I simply haven't dated that much overall and I haven't been in a long term relationship in a very long time. My life went in a different direction than most people, and to top it off I know I've evolved some thick emotional armor. I like to think the right person would enjoy being with me and be willing to do some work to know the inner layers of me. Instead I'm cast aside like an unfavorable meal.

The past few days I wasn't bitter at all. Today, I'm just plain cranky and mean. For those who want to be happy with their significant other today enjoy it. You deserve it. I just don't want to be around it today. B'ah humbug! Perhaps I'll visit my parents later and have the unconditional love of DogHound. Who would have thought my fur-buddy would be a better companion than most people?

My Former IT Background Rises Again.

I would have no idea how to operate a Mac to be honest.

You are a PC

You're practical, thrifty, and able to do almost anything. Appearances and trends aren't important to you. You just like to get the job done. You pride yourself on being very flexible and adaptable. You do well in many different environments, and you can get along with just about anyone. You aren't stuck up. If anything, you are quite humble and down to earth. You accept your flaws and deal with them. You don't cover up your problems with pretty packaging.

Are You a Mac or a PC?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

I Need To Find More Time To Read.

You Are Fantasy / Sci Fi

You have an amazing imagination, and in your mind, all things are possible. You are open minded, and you find the future exciting. You crave novelty and progress. Compared to most people, you are quirky and even a bit eccentric. You have some wacky ideas. And while you may be a bit off the wall, there's no denying how insightful and creative you are.

What Kind of Book Are You?

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

Mondays: The Legal Edition

I swear I never put so much effort into so few hearings and gotten so little accomplished.

1) First hearing and I discovered it was set for January 25, 2011. Yes 2011!
2) Hearing #2 and the other attorney wonders if we should just continue the hearing and see if things will work out.
3) Hearing #3 Pushy Clerk let's me know we're filing an appearance on a case and the hearing is in 15 minutes. 15 minutes, really I just need 5 to prep the whole file! Does anyone have any idea what the issues at this hearing are?
4) Hearing #4, I show up, but the pro-se contestant who wrote the letter requesting the hearing didn't show up.
5) Hearing #5: Oh NOW you show up! Dude you were supposed to appear last Thursday.

Eh that's only half the stories today. Jeez what a screwball day.

Down To The Football Final Four.

Oh I LOVE this time of year. Colts/Jets and Saints/Vikings. 3 awesome quarterbacks and a scrappy up and comer. I suspect the Colts/Jets game in the AFC Championship will be lower scoring grind it out type of game. Saints/Vikings for the NFC Championship is going to be a festival of offense.

If only I had friends coming over to watch the game and bring some beer. A good football party is a beautiful thing.

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

If you like cold, wet, and miserable today was your lucky day. While the outside was miserable, inside at work was okay. It was nice to have a fairly productive day. Sadly I don't see too many of those. I wish they occurred more often.

Who Gives These Morons Advice Like This?

*Names changed to protect the guilty and the stupid.

Me: Okay ma'am, do you have any idea where "dumb-ass ex-husband" is? Would he be in jail somewhere again?

Woman: Oh no he escaped. He was on work release in Big City and just didn't come back one day. He's even on Big City's 10 Most Wanted List.

Me: WHAT!?!?!

Woman: Oh yeah, he escaped down to Texas and calls me from there sometimes. He thinks he can't be extradited from down there.

Me: "Dumb-Ass Ex-Husband" thinks he won't be extradited from Texas??? He might want to cross the Rio Grande before he even thinks that thought.

Woman: If I can ever get an address on him I'm reporting him to that tipline. I want that reward!

Me: Might be the only money you ever get out of him.


I'll be honest. I've reached the point where I think we should just firebomb really stupid people just to get them out of the gene pool. He's Candidate #1.

I Thought The Drive To My Job Was Bad.

EDIT: Since the original got yanked off of YouTube how about the properly licensed original from NBC?

But 10:00 p.m. should be my bedtime!

Pleasant Surprises.

Normally meeting someone for coffee is a 60 minute affair or so. When coffee and lunch lasts for 5 hours you know it was a good first meeting. Especially when she has a VIP discount card for the beer we're drinking. Wow. That has to be one of the best first dates ever.

Mexian is planned for Tuesday night already. She's a planner. I'm just going to roll with it and enjoy the ride.

His End Is Too Near.

The noble and wonderful Doghound is dying. We've known this since before autumn. The vet did an x-ray and the mass, likely cancer, in Doghound's body was obvious. The vet didn't want to do any surgery to confirm the diagnosis since at Doghound's age that would likely kill him. The vet prescribed quite a few meds for Doghound and things seemed okay at first.

The past few months Doghound became finicky about food and quite adapt at finding the pills we hid in them. Spitting out meds was almost a sport for him. Now he's barely eating and barely drinking his water. With all the snow on the ground he does like to eat it when he goes for a quick walk. Yet he sleeps so much when my parents walk into a room and see him laying on the floor they wonder if he's already passed. Then he'll pop up his head and wonder why his humans are looking at him so much.

Friday night I was at my parents' home with Doghound laying his head on my lap. I remembered when I would arrive he would wag his tail and just vibrate his body at my arrival. I remembered when we used to play tug of war with a thick rope. I remembered when I was sick and he simply sat down next to me as if to watch me and make sure I was okay. I remembered the first day we brought him home as a puppy. I turned a box lid upside down for him to be on. The box had a half inch lip and it was an impenetrable barrier Doghound could not cross. The next day Doghound stepped over the lip and nothing stopped him since. One time time I was reading the newspaper at my parents' family room table and Doghound did a flat-footed jump onto the table! Doghound decided I was finished reading the paper. With his head in my lap Friday night I leaned in and told him I'm sorry his time was soon and I was sorry I couldn't do anything to stop it.

Some people think a dog is just a dog. To me the truth is simple, most dogs are better than most humans and most dogs will treat you better than most human beings will. When you go to a breeder or shelter I have the feeling the reality is the dog chooses you, and not the other way around. Doghound choose us as his humans. For food, a scratch behind the ears, and an old blanket to sleep on he provided love, companionship, protection from squirrels, and unlimited tail wags. Whatever problems I was having required only a few pets of his fur to make me feel better.

My gut tells me we're down to just days now. My furry friend and companion will be gone soon. I hate it, but at least I know he was well loved and had a great life. If only more of us were as lucky as Doghound.

I Can't Fix The World.

I've had two incidents this week that have driven me batty. The incidents have varying levels of seriousness but I think they're both symptoms of the same problem.

Incident One:

Pushy Clerk: Wolfrham, can you tell why the Case Number isn't coming up in the Database?
Me: Eh? *Thinking this sounds like a computer issue and wondering why Pushy Clerk is asking me this question.*
Pushy Clerk: See, when you type in the Database Number there is no Case Number assigned to it.
Me: Okay, you're correct. Why are you asking me this? I don't control the Database.
Pushy Clerk: Well when you wrote the order, didn't you notice the case fields would have come up blank or did they even come up blank in the first place?

*As an aside one of the things the Database does is to interface with a Microsoft Word template for our documentation. Certain things like a person's name, the case number, the court the case is in would fit into the template when I bring up the document I need to work on.*

Me: I wrote the order a few days ago. I just don't remember if the fields were working or if I just manually wrote them in. This Database has so many problems when I run into a problem I usually just fix stuff on the spot because it takes less time.
Pushy Clerk: Yes, but why is there no Case Number assigned to the Database?
Me: *Oh crap we're back to that question again?" I'm sorry I just don't know why the Case Number isn't in there. We could test what happens with the document by generating a new one and seeing what happens. *I'm thinking I'm pretty smart now."
Second Clerk: *shouting to all in the office* The template is done! You're not going to be able to generate any documents!
Me: *Crap!* Or we can experiment when the template is back up and running. Whenever that is. Look that sounds like a technical issue that is far beyond my knowledge. I'm sorry but I just don't know how to answer you.

Pushy Clerk and I may speak English, but we can't communicate with each other anymore. To me the question sounded like a technical issue involving a computer database. I now suspect she was really trying to ask a different question but just didn't phrase it in a way I would understand. Sadly I'm just not certain what the "real" question was. Somehow I am to resolve any problem, make sure the process was performed perfectly, and she let's me know when something is wrong. Not only that but Pushy Clerk loves to let me know how I let something wrong occur. Sometimes I did forget something, but other times the answer, "that is how the judge ruled" is not an acceptable answer. I've started to put in the orders I write that I was overruled on an issue just to remind Pushy Clerk that higher powers exist over me.

Incident Two:

The Judge simply got tired of the case and shut it down. The Judge wasn't going to deal with this anymore and suggested a potential resolution. Here's the problem: that resolution is very simplistic and I'm not certain I could ethically do it. All of the judges are getting tired of our cases. I don't blame them. So many of my cases just run into problem after problem after problem and won't resolve themselves. I went across the hall to visit with a co-worker, Obi-Wan, in another division. His division was part of the proposed solution.

I explained the Judge's concerns and I explained the fact pattern. I agreed in some situations Obi-Wan's department was a great solution. In other situations there was no way his department should be part of the solution. But this case was a 'tweener case and I wasn't sure where on that spectrum it would fall. Sadly a lot of my cases would be a 'tweener case and I really needed Obi-Wan's insight. I did learn a few things, but many of Obi-Wan's thoughts mirrored my own.

On a professional level, I believe if I'm referring a case to the other division I need to believe a reasonable chance of resolution exists. I'm not talking about slam-dunks, but would the other division have a reasonable chance of winning? If not, aren't I wasting everyone's time and resources? On an ethical level if I'm referring a case to the other division I believe I need to have reasonable grounds to refer the case to them. At a reasonable glance does the case meet their criteria? I can imagine a screwball lodging an ethics complaint against me for referring their case to the other division and really messing up their life. I'm not certain how far such a complaint could go, but at the least it would create some aggravation in my life.

After the hearing that started all this the other side's attorney, The Cowboy, and I were discussing things in the hallway. The Cowboy had an observation, "Now we know what one of the Judge's standing orders is: Fix the world."

If only we could.