Happy Singles Awareness Day.

I admit it. I really dislike February 14th. I know most people call it Valentine's Day, but that is only the name given to it by those who practice the Coupledom faith. As I do not practice that faith I'm more akin to my Jewish friends around Christmas time. My Jewish buddies, I know what you mean.

What makes me even more bitter (as if that were possible) was that in January I actually started to date someone. She was very smart, very interesting, and had many of the same interests and passions I did. I thought things were going well and I was looking forward to slowly evolving into a couple with her. Until 10 days ago when I received the "Dear Wolfrham" email. She just wasn't that excited about 'us' anymore.

Wow, not even 30 days and I'm already dumped. Though I'll never know her reasons why I get the feeling from a few things she said that I was the rebound guy after her 5 year relationship fizzled last year. I also get the feeling that perfection with her would have been if I instantly did all the good things she wanted in a relationship without having to go through any of the growing pains. Well I'm sorry but I don't believe relationships work that way. Two people just don't automatically click together in every aspect without any work. Work takes time.

I know any future relationship with me won't be the easiest thing. The things people involved in a long term relationship take for granted are new and unusual things to me. I think people have limited memories and forget what things were like before they were with someone else. To me, dating and relationships present a steep learning curve. Historically I simply haven't dated that much overall and I haven't been in a long term relationship in a very long time. My life went in a different direction than most people, and to top it off I know I've evolved some thick emotional armor. I like to think the right person would enjoy being with me and be willing to do some work to know the inner layers of me. Instead I'm cast aside like an unfavorable meal.

The past few days I wasn't bitter at all. Today, I'm just plain cranky and mean. For those who want to be happy with their significant other today enjoy it. You deserve it. I just don't want to be around it today. B'ah humbug! Perhaps I'll visit my parents later and have the unconditional love of DogHound. Who would have thought my fur-buddy would be a better companion than most people?

Things To Be Thankful For.

As pessimistic and jaded as I am I do feel the need to be thoughtful on occasion. I must remind myself that things could be far far worse!

1. I do have a job in the legal field that pays my bills. Sure I don't like the job, the commute, the clientele, but I recall being unemployed around 2 years ago and wondering how was I going to survive and how was I going to make use of this shiny, but apparently useless degree I had. What am I thankful for, I'm now at a place where I can start planning for the next stage of my career and I have the luxury of time.

2. I have a family that loves and supports me. I may not relate to them very much but we do tend to help each other. Without their support throughout my life and especially through these past few years I would be in a far worse situation than I am now.

3. Doghound! It is obvious Doghound is in the final fall and winter of his life and is unlikely to make it to the next sunny spring day. So every time I find Doghound at my parents' home I make sure I pet him and play with him. No matter how bad a day I've had if I put Doghound in my lap and just pet him I will feel much better. I'm thankful for the fact Doghound makes me feel better so I better enjoy him for the time we have left together.

4. Thanks to the internet and eHarChemtach.com I'm dating again. Sure there are dates with no chemistry or only one of use feels something or I never want to see her again and she's still stalking me, but hey at least I'm in the market for female companionship. While I keep debating if I should hold off on dating again until I have a job with less of a commute so I have more free time at least I can write a food and coffee shop guide to Big City now.

5. The Internet. It provides me with information about things I like and the ability to describe the insaneness of humanity. While I'm not perfect I'm thankful for the fact I'm not as crazy, stupid, or useless as those people! Thanks to the internet I get to maintain my sanity.

I'm sure other people have more selfless and altruistic things to be thankful for. Eh I'll take what I can get. Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

St Patricks Day Ideas.

If you pinch me because I'm not Irish I'll pretend I'm German. I'll conqueor your country and drink your beer.

Let's Party Like It's 1999.

1. Bring a few games and see if I can get some people interested in playing. Check.

2. Bring my own distinctive beer mug so it is recognizable as mine. Check.

3. Drop by the parents to have dinner with them before the party and play with Doghound. Check.

4. Remind Fabulously Game Roommate the party hosts told him to come along too. Check, but I don't think he heard me yell at him over the Wii.

Have fun tonight folks and hope you all get home safely.

The Meloncholy Season

I admit it. I don't love this time of year. I don't hate it, but it doesn't feel my heart with joy and thoughts of peace. The holidays remind me of what I don't have instead of what I do have. Is it a long term jealousy or a long term reminder of the truer things in life? I suspect both. The holidays are supposed to be with loved ones, friends, and family. I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time so there are no loved ones. Most of my closest friends are married with families of their own and are no longer in the Big City area. As for my family I'm not emotionally close to most of them. I was always the odd family member compared to the rest of the family.

I can see that some things are finally turning around. I do have a stable job. I don't like the job for a variety of reasons, but a steady paycheck after multiple years of law school, unemployment, and job hunting is a big plus. In this economy we should be thankful for any jobs. Thanks to the Small Town job I've paid off about half my non-education related debt. If gas prices stay low I might be able to have that debt paid off by this time next year.

Since cash flow isn't as big a problem now perhaps I may allow myself the luxury of dating again sometime next year. The few times I've tried to get back into the dating pool these past few years always served as a reminder that dating is really a financial luxury. Many creative and wonderful dates can be had for a mere $20 or $30, but I didn't even have that much money to spare the last few years. For too many years I've denied my emotional needs for the needs of school followed by the needs of my finances. Perhaps next year I can pay attention to my wants and rebuild other aspects of my life.

As for this year at least I got to have a few weekend road trips. I started to live my life a little bit and I want to have more road trips and perhaps a true vacation. For 5 or 6 years I never let myself relax. Everyone needs some joy in their lives. With luck and I'm betting a lot of hard work and little sleep I can see some joy coming back. Maybe that is what the holidays are supposed to provide, some joy and hope for the future, even for people like me.

Less Busy = Less Productive?

Work has slowed down a bit. I haven't had too many hearings and except for a smattering next week I don't have any more the rest of the year. Without the rush of hearings you would think I could get tons of work and special projects accomplished.

What was I thinking?

I'm burned out and I know it. My attention wonders all over the place. Even without the pressure of hearings it seems like problems pop up that must be resolved immediately. With staff all over the place taking off personal time it seems like more crap pops up. Less people to deflect incoming garbage is the theory I'm working with. Perhaps I should enjoy the upcoming Christmas holiday. Walk in Monday as recharged as possible and give a big push to end the old year.

I just want those damned files out of my office!

Random Thoughts

It was nice to have a 4 day holiday. Okay I worked 4 hours on Friday just to catch up on a few things. Key word sadly was 'few.' At least I got the files out of my inbox and got rid of a few things.

Winter has arrived. When you wake up to a half inch of snow today it is an easy conclusion to make. A shame it melted away by this evening.

How the hell is my checkbook off by around $500.00 after I've balanced it? I'll take a closer look at it during lunch tomorrow. Perhaps I added something when I should have subtracted, or transposed some numbers, but it balanced last month! My checkbook always used to balance, but the last few years it always seems like my checkbook is off by some pocket change every month. I'm convinced the bank has some program to randomly steal or deposit all the half penny transactions in a branch and play with my account. Give me a break, a personal checking account isn't that hard! You only deal with addition or subtraction.

For all the money I pay Sallie Mae couldn't they provide the envelopes to send in my student loan payments? My credit card companies and utilities send envelopes, so why not Sallie Mae?

The final episodes of Battlestar Galactica start January 16, 2009. It's about damned time! I really hope writing and stories pick up. Season 3 and Season 4 had some clunkers for stories. The Cylons may have had a plan, but I'm not sure the writers did.

Speaking of the SciFi Channel, why is SciFi canceling Stargate: Atlantis? I believe they're having the best ratings ever or pretty close and SciFi decides to can the show.

How did a pathetic San Francisco 49ers team gain 195 yards of offense, score a measly 10 points, allow the Buffalo Bills 350 yards of offense, and STILL WIN THE GAME? San Fran 10: Buffalo 3!

I would like to thank LSU for choking in the back half of the season. Your losses assured I would get 3rd place in my pool. I'm still mad Ball State was taken the pick before mine! 12-0 would be so convenient for my pool right now.

Thanksgiving leftovers are already in the tupperware for tomorrow. Cheap and yummy leftovers are good for lunch. I hope I can stand them until Wednesday since I have plenty.

Why Did I Go In Today?

I hate working on a holiday. I'll rephrase that. I've worked numerous holidays, but I hate working holidays that I am supposed to get as an employee. 5 hours on Veteran's Day and I feel like I barely accomplished anything. I am so swamped. Our office is so swamped. What makes it worse is that I'm not at 100%. I'm tired. I get distracted easily and can't focus for long periods of time. I simply can't work on things for long periods of time. I can get files ready for hearings, but writing all the paperwork takes forever.

I can't work late every night. I lack the energy. In theory I can come in on weekends, but between attending football games on Saturdays and simply getting personal things done on Sundays I haven't had "free" weekends to head into the office. I'm burned out and I know it. I have no idea how to resolve the situation.

Speaking of Veteran's Day. Thank a vet. Their sacrifices allowed you to be here.

Here Be Ghosts Or Bigfoot.

One of the reasons I find Halloween to be the best time of the year: ghost tours. A dark moonlit night, a crisp and cool wind, a spooky Victorian era neighborhood, and a creepy dude in a trenchcoat as a tour guide. Oh yes, this would be so good!

I saw the blurb in the paper and quickly texted some friends. Luckily T and the Lady D could come. They were surprised such a neighborhood existed in Big City. You go around the suburbs and yes you get lots of vinyl villages, apartment complexes, and commercial corridors filled with strip malls and megamalls. This was a neighborhood with Victorians, Tudors, Arts & Crafts style homes with 2 or 3 story buildings housing pubs, coffeehouses not named BuckStars, non-chain style restaurants, non-chain bookstores, a Masonic temple, and a scooter store. Ciao baby! A quaint village only a few miles from downtown Big City, but in some ways a world away. Of course this village has a deep and dark side perfect for ghost stories.

The wind blew as the guide told of chess pieces that would move on a chessboard, before the coffeehouse opened up and the owner was by himself. A little cottage had cats disappearing into a drawer full of socks with no way for the drawers to open up by themselves. The same cottage supposedly had an evil force outside trying to get inside while the catnapping good spirit kept it at bay. Another house of a famous murderer supposedly would have smoke rings from a cigar appear out of nowhere. The murderer was noted for his fine cigars. One basement stairs would have the presence of a small cat rubbing against your leg, but don't reach done to pet the cat or you'll be shocked when you find nothing.

Wandering around the neighborhood with over 50 people I wondered if we would find any ghosts or at least Bigfoot. I told T and the Lady D we shouldn't mess with Sasquatch like those idiots in the beef jerky commercials. Some of the trees were very large and could hide something big. The highlight of the evening for most people was the tape recorder. The guide played a tape with a child's voice during a conversation with a homeowner. The homeowner had no children and the ghost that supposedly haunted this house was a child. People were surprised to hear the voice. The only problem I had was I never heard the voice.

I never heard any spooky voices. I never saw any spectres. I never saw any chess pieces move, and I never saw any random Bigfoot wandering around. Okay the tour never advertised Bigfoot, but hey you never know when you'll run into the big fella. I had a fun time. T and the Lady D had a fun time. They thanked me for inviting them. You're welcome. I love showing off the interesting sides of Big City. Even if they are the creepy and spooky sides of Big City.

Boo!

More Is Better.

If one 300 Saturn Missile Battery is good, then TWO 300 Saturn Missile Batteries must be better. A guy at the party and I reasoned that bit of wisdom. We both purchased a battery and we lit them together to start the show Saturday night.



From this video I can tell someone took our idea a little further out. A 6,400 Saturn Missile Battery must be bad ass!

The Bombs Bursting In Air!

I'm heading to a friend's for the 4th. He and his wife recently built a home in the country. They have 10 acres and a small pond out there. I helped work on their bathrooms during the winter by installing tile. Anyway the invitation said to bring fireworks if you wanted to. Oh really!

It has been forever since I've been in a fireworks store. In Big City there simply isn't any place to fire them off. Big Sky Country on the other hand is a whole lot of empty! I hit the ATM ahead of time. I simply needed some cash. I wasn't even planning on hitting a fireworks store. Then I figured $20 could buy some decent stuff.

American: Celebrate It's Birth By Blowing Stuff Up!

That should be the name of every fireworks store. Buy one: get one free! I don't understand the economics that allow all the freebies, but hey I'll accept it. The dude tried to sell me various things. Some made big boom. Others made big sparks. Some stuff for $5 gives you what $5 will give you. Mortars for $50 sound like fun, but that might be for next year. Anything that advertises 300 rockets is a must buy. Sure they're itty-bitty rockets, but it had 300 of them for $12! At the cash register they GAVE me a 5 pack of bottle rockets and then just tossed in a 4 pack of something when they finished bagging everything. What are they? Who cares it was free!

Now I need to buy a cheap lighter for Friday night :-)