Mondays: The Legal Edition

I swear I never put so much effort into so few hearings and gotten so little accomplished.

1) First hearing and I discovered it was set for January 25, 2011. Yes 2011!
2) Hearing #2 and the other attorney wonders if we should just continue the hearing and see if things will work out.
3) Hearing #3 Pushy Clerk let's me know we're filing an appearance on a case and the hearing is in 15 minutes. 15 minutes, really I just need 5 to prep the whole file! Does anyone have any idea what the issues at this hearing are?
4) Hearing #4, I show up, but the pro-se contestant who wrote the letter requesting the hearing didn't show up.
5) Hearing #5: Oh NOW you show up! Dude you were supposed to appear last Thursday.

Eh that's only half the stories today. Jeez what a screwball day.

Down To The Football Final Four.

Oh I LOVE this time of year. Colts/Jets and Saints/Vikings. 3 awesome quarterbacks and a scrappy up and comer. I suspect the Colts/Jets game in the AFC Championship will be lower scoring grind it out type of game. Saints/Vikings for the NFC Championship is going to be a festival of offense.

If only I had friends coming over to watch the game and bring some beer. A good football party is a beautiful thing.

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

If you like cold, wet, and miserable today was your lucky day. While the outside was miserable, inside at work was okay. It was nice to have a fairly productive day. Sadly I don't see too many of those. I wish they occurred more often.

Who Gives These Morons Advice Like This?

*Names changed to protect the guilty and the stupid.

Me: Okay ma'am, do you have any idea where "dumb-ass ex-husband" is? Would he be in jail somewhere again?

Woman: Oh no he escaped. He was on work release in Big City and just didn't come back one day. He's even on Big City's 10 Most Wanted List.

Me: WHAT!?!?!

Woman: Oh yeah, he escaped down to Texas and calls me from there sometimes. He thinks he can't be extradited from down there.

Me: "Dumb-Ass Ex-Husband" thinks he won't be extradited from Texas??? He might want to cross the Rio Grande before he even thinks that thought.

Woman: If I can ever get an address on him I'm reporting him to that tipline. I want that reward!

Me: Might be the only money you ever get out of him.


I'll be honest. I've reached the point where I think we should just firebomb really stupid people just to get them out of the gene pool. He's Candidate #1.

I Thought The Drive To My Job Was Bad.

EDIT: Since the original got yanked off of YouTube how about the properly licensed original from NBC?

But 10:00 p.m. should be my bedtime!

Pleasant Surprises.

Normally meeting someone for coffee is a 60 minute affair or so. When coffee and lunch lasts for 5 hours you know it was a good first meeting. Especially when she has a VIP discount card for the beer we're drinking. Wow. That has to be one of the best first dates ever.

Mexian is planned for Tuesday night already. She's a planner. I'm just going to roll with it and enjoy the ride.

His End Is Too Near.

The noble and wonderful Doghound is dying. We've known this since before autumn. The vet did an x-ray and the mass, likely cancer, in Doghound's body was obvious. The vet didn't want to do any surgery to confirm the diagnosis since at Doghound's age that would likely kill him. The vet prescribed quite a few meds for Doghound and things seemed okay at first.

The past few months Doghound became finicky about food and quite adapt at finding the pills we hid in them. Spitting out meds was almost a sport for him. Now he's barely eating and barely drinking his water. With all the snow on the ground he does like to eat it when he goes for a quick walk. Yet he sleeps so much when my parents walk into a room and see him laying on the floor they wonder if he's already passed. Then he'll pop up his head and wonder why his humans are looking at him so much.

Friday night I was at my parents' home with Doghound laying his head on my lap. I remembered when I would arrive he would wag his tail and just vibrate his body at my arrival. I remembered when we used to play tug of war with a thick rope. I remembered when I was sick and he simply sat down next to me as if to watch me and make sure I was okay. I remembered the first day we brought him home as a puppy. I turned a box lid upside down for him to be on. The box had a half inch lip and it was an impenetrable barrier Doghound could not cross. The next day Doghound stepped over the lip and nothing stopped him since. One time time I was reading the newspaper at my parents' family room table and Doghound did a flat-footed jump onto the table! Doghound decided I was finished reading the paper. With his head in my lap Friday night I leaned in and told him I'm sorry his time was soon and I was sorry I couldn't do anything to stop it.

Some people think a dog is just a dog. To me the truth is simple, most dogs are better than most humans and most dogs will treat you better than most human beings will. When you go to a breeder or shelter I have the feeling the reality is the dog chooses you, and not the other way around. Doghound choose us as his humans. For food, a scratch behind the ears, and an old blanket to sleep on he provided love, companionship, protection from squirrels, and unlimited tail wags. Whatever problems I was having required only a few pets of his fur to make me feel better.

My gut tells me we're down to just days now. My furry friend and companion will be gone soon. I hate it, but at least I know he was well loved and had a great life. If only more of us were as lucky as Doghound.

I Can't Fix The World.

I've had two incidents this week that have driven me batty. The incidents have varying levels of seriousness but I think they're both symptoms of the same problem.

Incident One:

Pushy Clerk: Wolfrham, can you tell why the Case Number isn't coming up in the Database?
Me: Eh? *Thinking this sounds like a computer issue and wondering why Pushy Clerk is asking me this question.*
Pushy Clerk: See, when you type in the Database Number there is no Case Number assigned to it.
Me: Okay, you're correct. Why are you asking me this? I don't control the Database.
Pushy Clerk: Well when you wrote the order, didn't you notice the case fields would have come up blank or did they even come up blank in the first place?

*As an aside one of the things the Database does is to interface with a Microsoft Word template for our documentation. Certain things like a person's name, the case number, the court the case is in would fit into the template when I bring up the document I need to work on.*

Me: I wrote the order a few days ago. I just don't remember if the fields were working or if I just manually wrote them in. This Database has so many problems when I run into a problem I usually just fix stuff on the spot because it takes less time.
Pushy Clerk: Yes, but why is there no Case Number assigned to the Database?
Me: *Oh crap we're back to that question again?" I'm sorry I just don't know why the Case Number isn't in there. We could test what happens with the document by generating a new one and seeing what happens. *I'm thinking I'm pretty smart now."
Second Clerk: *shouting to all in the office* The template is done! You're not going to be able to generate any documents!
Me: *Crap!* Or we can experiment when the template is back up and running. Whenever that is. Look that sounds like a technical issue that is far beyond my knowledge. I'm sorry but I just don't know how to answer you.

Pushy Clerk and I may speak English, but we can't communicate with each other anymore. To me the question sounded like a technical issue involving a computer database. I now suspect she was really trying to ask a different question but just didn't phrase it in a way I would understand. Sadly I'm just not certain what the "real" question was. Somehow I am to resolve any problem, make sure the process was performed perfectly, and she let's me know when something is wrong. Not only that but Pushy Clerk loves to let me know how I let something wrong occur. Sometimes I did forget something, but other times the answer, "that is how the judge ruled" is not an acceptable answer. I've started to put in the orders I write that I was overruled on an issue just to remind Pushy Clerk that higher powers exist over me.

Incident Two:

The Judge simply got tired of the case and shut it down. The Judge wasn't going to deal with this anymore and suggested a potential resolution. Here's the problem: that resolution is very simplistic and I'm not certain I could ethically do it. All of the judges are getting tired of our cases. I don't blame them. So many of my cases just run into problem after problem after problem and won't resolve themselves. I went across the hall to visit with a co-worker, Obi-Wan, in another division. His division was part of the proposed solution.

I explained the Judge's concerns and I explained the fact pattern. I agreed in some situations Obi-Wan's department was a great solution. In other situations there was no way his department should be part of the solution. But this case was a 'tweener case and I wasn't sure where on that spectrum it would fall. Sadly a lot of my cases would be a 'tweener case and I really needed Obi-Wan's insight. I did learn a few things, but many of Obi-Wan's thoughts mirrored my own.

On a professional level, I believe if I'm referring a case to the other division I need to believe a reasonable chance of resolution exists. I'm not talking about slam-dunks, but would the other division have a reasonable chance of winning? If not, aren't I wasting everyone's time and resources? On an ethical level if I'm referring a case to the other division I believe I need to have reasonable grounds to refer the case to them. At a reasonable glance does the case meet their criteria? I can imagine a screwball lodging an ethics complaint against me for referring their case to the other division and really messing up their life. I'm not certain how far such a complaint could go, but at the least it would create some aggravation in my life.

After the hearing that started all this the other side's attorney, The Cowboy, and I were discussing things in the hallway. The Cowboy had an observation, "Now we know what one of the Judge's standing orders is: Fix the world."

If only we could.

The Turbulent Aughts

I find the fact the first decade of the new century is almost over to be mind-boggling. From the world's point of view we've had the Y2K scare, Bush v Gore, September 11th, invaded two countries, gave mortgages to anyone with a driver's license, lost a space shuttle and the Concorde, a big tidal wave, are still in the two countries we invaded, had everyone spend too much and lose the houses they bought with mortgages secured by a driver's license, had the economy melt down because everyone spends more than they earn, elected a black man to the presidency, had GM and Chrysler go bankrupt and be propped up by the government, made it through the worst of the Great Recession, and I'm sure I'm forgetting a ton of important stuff still!

On a more personal level my Aughts were just as turbulent in many ways. Sure I had some of my 20s in this decade and some of my 30s will be in the next one, but overall the Aughts were my 30s and so much happened. I lost my job and was rehired 3 months later for worse hours and worse pay. I decided to change careers and go into law school. During law school I discovered the definition of hell as a school was set up in the completely opposite way I learn and 3 years of that is very draining. I did study and pass that other hell rite of passage: the bar exam. You would think all that was the hard part. I know I did. Oh how wrong I was.


I had a two year struggle of part time jobs, temp jobs, and just doing anything to pay the bills until I found a job that made use of that degree. I truly learned what it meant to struggle, be worried about how I was going to pay bills, and where was the next dollar coming from. Then I found a job, but I could foreshadow it would be problematic. The long commute, the odd subject matter, the burned out boss, the tidal wave of constant work, the debris of humanity I would be dealing with, the fact I do the work of two or three people, and knowing I would never get additional help. I knew it was a first job, not a forever job. The job in Small Town was simply a placeholder on my resume and nothing more.

To me the Aughts are the decade of transitions, survival, and rebuilding. A decade of nothing going according to plan and fighting for any minor success I could get. To me it feels like the Lost Decade. I lost 10 years of my life and I can't say I'm in a better position now in 2009 than I was in 1999. Yet I feel a very guarded sense of optimism now. I've rebuilt the foundation of my life and now all the cinder blocks are in place to actually build something. I'm in the process of buying my home. I've only lived here forever so why not actually own it. Thanks to EHarmChemMatch.com I'm at least dating again. Despite some horror stories I could describe as dating in the 21st century perhaps that can evolve into a good relationship one day. Once I've bought my home I'll begin the process of looking for a new job. I'm not certain how many jobs are out there right now. I've heard too many stories of not filling open positions and actual shedding of jobs. Still the economy churns jobs and something has to be out there I would fit into. I doubt the perfect job is out there, but I'm sure something better is out there. Then I might start believing the law school/lawyer experiment was worth it.

I can see change is coming. I'm hoping the changes will be positive. Some of my friends can tell life has hit me very hard, yet I still keep getting back up. It's been an ugly fight but at least I still continue fighting. For 2010 and beyond I want to be the one swinging and see my punches bring positive things to my life. I want to the fruits of my labor blossom and I think I'm finally in a position to start doing that. Guarded optimism indeed. Happy New Year to all and may we get the good things we want. I know I've worked for it.

The Esoteric Objects

I have an extensive collection of esoteric objects that reflect my love of various movies, television shows, and numerous hobbies. When people find one of the objects in my esoteric collection they tend to have one of three reactions: 1) Oh you like such and such. 2) What the hell is that? 3) OH MY GOD YOU HAVE A...! It is fun to watch their reactions. What is the most fun is when someone else is in the know. They see the object, recognize what it is or what it means, and they appreciate its coolness. Some things are just a subtle wink and a nod and I appreciate that.

Though I refuse to pay 2 day shipping which would ensure arrival before Christmas I stumbled upon something that is very very cool. At least to me it is extremely cool and it will add to my esoteric collection. I can't wait for the first person to notice it on my wall and just grin in amazement.

Merry Christmas folks. I hope your holiday shopping is already finished.

Christmas Shopping In The Snow. No problem!

I'm not 100% recovered from the flu yet. I tire easily and I still have a cough that comes up every few minutes with the occasional slime my lungs are trying to expel. Ugh. At least my appetite seems to be recovering a bit. I've been able to eat cereal, leftover pizza, and a turkey etoufee. I just can't eat anything quickly. That might not be a bad thing actually as it could help me lose some weight.

Since being incapacitated with the flu for a week really put a crimp in a lot of my plans I used this weekend to get some of them in gear. Job #1: Christmas shopping. The original plan was to use Amazon.com so I could avoid the holiday shopping crowds. I looked at my parents' lists and realized I could get something for both of them at the same big box electronics store.

The good news about this big box was it wasn't in or near a huge mall. In fact it's a bit of a pain to get into and why this particular building has been 4 different stores since it was built. I took a back way to the store and didn't hit any traffic. Looking around I was surprised the overall traffic wasn't too bad. It only took me around 30 minutes to grab four items for Mom and Dad Hart. Another 10 or 15 minutes to get through the line to pay for them and I was out the door.

5 days before Christmas and I think I'm already finished. This could be a record for me.

Survival Of The Fittest Part II

Except for a few hours on Monday morning to cover some hearings I've been near death at home the entire week. I'm working on the assumption it is the regular flu. Fever, aches, nasty cough, no energy, no appetite. Compared to people suffering with diarrhea or vomiting or both I have the better symptoms I suppose. Small consolation as from Sunday to Wednesday I still felt like I was near death. Constant coughing, no energy at all, the inability to sleep since I'm coughing all the time, and the constant desire to drink water, apple juice, orange juice, and whatever flavor of Crystal Light is handy at the moment. I bought a 3 liter container of apple juice Monday afternoon and finished it this morning.

For the past few days I've been napping and sleeping whenever I want. Monday and Tuesday I could only be awake for about 3 hours at a time. Sleep in my bed, sleep on the futon, sleep in the recliner chair, it didn't matter. Sometimes I moved only for the reason of sleeping someplace different. I'm not sure how much I actually slept given all the coughing I was doing.

Wednesday was both a highlight and a low light. The fever finally broke and I could actually eat one sandwich for a meal. The bad part was when I stepped out of the shower and suddenly felt vertigo. You know in the movies when the helicopter is hit and the alarms start going off while the camera is suddenly shaky to enhance the feeling of danger? I swear I heard, BREEEP!!! BREEEP!!! BREEP!!! in the back of my mind as I reached for the toilet but couldn't find it. I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but I figured sitting down as a better position than standing up. And...nothing...happened. I put my head on the sink, drank some water, and after a few minutes the vertigo disappeared. Much ado over nothing, but for a scant few seconds I was honestly scared. I knew if I passed out I would likely hit my head on something making things even worse. I didn't want to die like Elvis on the toilet.

Today I feel vaguely normal, call it 60%. I can talk on the phone for a few minutes, something Mom Hart doesn't quite understand. Hi Mom I'm calling to let you know I'm still alive, not wanting to go to the Emergency Room, but I'm not wanting to get into a long story of the day. I'm not certain why she doesn't understand that.

Small Town gave me a call back today as well. They've had a few of their own funny issues without me. They're glad I'm not dead and if I can make it in tomorrow for some work and the holiday lunch that would be good. Umm..upon gazing at the calendar there appears to be quite a number of hearings tomorrow. I'm rather surprised. The real question is how many of them are false positives? I suspect a lot of them have been continued, but I won't know until I arrive.

I'm hoping by Monday I can be at 100%. I'm tired of feeling tired.

Survival Of The Fittest.

Yesterday it was obvious I was coming down with some winter crude. A cough, some phlegm, and a general feeling of tiredness. I even woke up last night twice just to drink some water as I felt incredibly dehydrated.

Today's mission is simple: 1) drink plenty of fluids, 2) stay warm and dry, 3) don't do too much and exert myself, and 4) a good nap after the football game.

The Boss is taking a vacation day tomorrow so I'm the only one that can do the few hearings we have tomorrow. Luckily the courts are shutting down for the holiday season so we don't have many hearings through the end of the year. I'm just hoping I can kill whatever bug is in my system and be okay for tomorrow. I've been sick at work before and it is always miserable. If worse comes to worse I suppose I could just leave after the last hearing. I hope we don't have anything in the late afternoon if that is the case.

I think this job is trying to kill me.

Officially Winter

The weekend had some obsolutely freezing weather. What was a minor chance of snow ended up being an inch. I just happened to glance out my bedroom window and noticed all the white stuff. Surprise!

Instead of staying at home with a cup of hot chocolate and enjoying the view I had to go into work. Ugh. Last week was so obnoxious I'm still recovering from it. A drive in the first snowfall was not what I needed. For whatever reason people forget how to drive in snow the first time it comes back. SLOW DOWN YOU MORONS! Seriously, just slow down, don't tailgate, anticipate your movements and you're usually okay.

I never got above 55 m.p.h. on the interstate and 45 m.p.h. on the highway. I squeezed past two wrecks and numerous slideoffs. I followed my own advice and got into Small Town without any big problems. It took an extra 20 minutes so I'm glad I left 15 minutes early. So much for getting an early start to the day.

One day I hope to enjoy a snow day. I remember when snow was fun and not the enemy. I still want that cup of hot chocolate.

Easy Come Easy Go.

Between a AutoZone, a grocery store, and all the bills that need to be paid by the 10th of the month my paycheck is already gone. Normally I try to put 10% of my paycheck into my savings account, but I decided to hold off on that this time. On top of that the Fabulously Gay Ex Roommate came by to pick up some more stuff finally. Of course he used to take care of the cable bill and now that is my responsibility. He noted the bill is due by Tuesday. Tuesday! It just came in the mail last Tuesday.

The last few months I've been using the rental checks as money to go into my savings account only. I didn't want to life off of FGR's money because I knew it was going away. While my bills seemed to be okay I have this gut feeling that something may be wrong. I decided to put my finances into a spreadsheet and get a feel for where my money is going. I only have November and half of October done, but once I put in more of this year I wonder if I'm not going to like the answers. Perhaps I can get rid of cable again.

How To Survive Black Friday.

For those who are about to go into retail battle for your cheap deals may I suggest a good strategy to get through the day.

A-M-A-Z-O-N-DOT-C-O-M

I avoid the malls, the people, the insanity, and it gets delivered to me usually for free. That's Christmas shopping I can get into!

Things To Be Thankful For.

As pessimistic and jaded as I am I do feel the need to be thoughtful on occasion. I must remind myself that things could be far far worse!

1. I do have a job in the legal field that pays my bills. Sure I don't like the job, the commute, the clientele, but I recall being unemployed around 2 years ago and wondering how was I going to survive and how was I going to make use of this shiny, but apparently useless degree I had. What am I thankful for, I'm now at a place where I can start planning for the next stage of my career and I have the luxury of time.

2. I have a family that loves and supports me. I may not relate to them very much but we do tend to help each other. Without their support throughout my life and especially through these past few years I would be in a far worse situation than I am now.

3. Doghound! It is obvious Doghound is in the final fall and winter of his life and is unlikely to make it to the next sunny spring day. So every time I find Doghound at my parents' home I make sure I pet him and play with him. No matter how bad a day I've had if I put Doghound in my lap and just pet him I will feel much better. I'm thankful for the fact Doghound makes me feel better so I better enjoy him for the time we have left together.

4. Thanks to the internet and eHarChemtach.com I'm dating again. Sure there are dates with no chemistry or only one of use feels something or I never want to see her again and she's still stalking me, but hey at least I'm in the market for female companionship. While I keep debating if I should hold off on dating again until I have a job with less of a commute so I have more free time at least I can write a food and coffee shop guide to Big City now.

5. The Internet. It provides me with information about things I like and the ability to describe the insaneness of humanity. While I'm not perfect I'm thankful for the fact I'm not as crazy, stupid, or useless as those people! Thanks to the internet I get to maintain my sanity.

I'm sure other people have more selfless and altruistic things to be thankful for. Eh I'll take what I can get. Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

The Logic Of Life.

Okay Small Town HR says I have to use my vacation time before the end of the year or else I'll lose it. So I need to find a day here and there before the end of the year to suck up what little vacation time I have accrued. We already have Thanksgiving and Friday off. There are no hearings scheduled for Wednesday. Hey why not take this Wednesday off and get a 5 day weekend?

I could get so much done in my real life by taking a day off. I can get to all the places I need to get to, but can't due to being at work. Cool!

So I'll be going into the office on Friday and possibly Saturday. Why? Without clerks, hearings, phone calls, people wondering in, and the normal chaos I can get more work done in 4 hours this Friday than I get accomplished in 3 or 4 days. I have several piles of files in my office the courts expect to be resolved. We're far too overworked and understaffed. To get anything accomplished means I put in far more hours than I want to put in.

Take a vacation day to not be in the office and go into the office on a day I already have off. Makes perfect sense right?

Maybe one day I'll have a job where I can take 5 days off and actually enjoy them.

I Dont Know, Can We Stipulate To Contempt?

If you lay the factual basis out, then yes contempt can be agreed to by all parties. If only more of my opponents were like that.

This idiot could have helped himself out in so many ways, but instead his levels of motivation and common sense were very low. I seriously can't understand the stupidity of some people. Oh well.